Attempt at Blogging: Take Two.

I haven't written here for about three months now. I had about half an entry written, up until my computer froze the other day. =/

I'll work on rewriting that this week, but in the meantime I'll leave you with the following. A friend who I was somewhat involved with, more or less, sent me this poem awhile ago, and I came across it again today. No matter how much I read it, I can't seem to fully make sense of it. This may be because at points it's vague, but also for any given statement I'll never know whether it's general or directed at me. But maybe I'm better off not knowing... Anyway, a few of you might have already seen this, yet I think it's at least worth another look.


picture this:
a huge ditch, a bottomless crevice, a large hole with only darkness to be seen when you carefully peer over the edge.
its scary to be that close.
its scary to not know what the darkness holds.
even scarier is the wanting to know just whats inside, what it is like to fall, what lies at the bottom.
its terrifying yet, inviting...

for me its like this:
when you like someone, you slowly get to know them, start talking to them, start hanging out with them.
later on you go out together and get more serious.

for me its like this:
its like walking towards something, while knowing what it is, yet not knowing how it will feel, and even then you truly dont know what it is.
its like walking towards a deep dark hole and yet still walking.
getting to know someone, is when you are walking towards the hole, but its still far.
the closer and closer you get, the harder it is to turn back.
the scarier it gets,
the more you know if you want to actually go.
depending on how much you like that someone, you might walk at different paces.
you might tiptoe, jog, or even sprint
but the closer you get, the more you learn about him and about yourself.
along the way, depending on how far you get, you might lose something along the way
a first kiss, trust, even your heart.

for me its like this:
when you know, you'll know.
you'll be running headfirst and jumping right into the dark unknown without a moments hesitation.
but when its in between, and you're first unsure is when you begin walking.
even then, in the back of you mind, you know, and you can tell,
but sometimes, you are blinded, convinced, hopeful.
so you being walking

for me its like this:
walking never works for me, and it'll never really end well.
i don't really understand the people who can get so far and realize that what they want is something else, so close to the hole.
they are the ones teetering at the edge of the blackness, looking down and wondering
if i wasn't completely sure, i would be terrified.
and yet some end up jumping in anyways, and end up broken and bruised, only to crawl out and start all over again, wary and suspicious.
the farther you walk forward, the farther you have to walk backwards, once you realize..
its hard to figure out sometimes, especially in the heat of the moment, and only is it truly clear when you look back.
if you're walking, chances are you won't end up sprinting.
just the opposite, you may end up running and then slowing down.
but when you know for a fact, and in your heart, you wont waste another second.
we all want our walks to end up something more, but i'm sorry to say, that usually never happens.

for me its like this:
the only time a relationship will work out, or even has a chance of working out, is when love is in the equation.
if not, there will always be something
its him
its you
either way, its not meant to be.
sprinting and the confidence in your decision is worth waiting for.

but my question is this:
in the meantime, while you are waiting, and you get the urge to walk, what should you do?
so be careful when you decide to go out for a stroll and begin walking.

-that's some of the stuff i wanted to say in our "talks"


Any insight?

Oh, just the usual--rice cooker banana bread, a celebrity sighting, and orgasmic dessert.

So around noon today, James, Chihiro, and I were sitting in Union Square Park, and we spot all these photographers suddenly converging on this woman and her child. So we figured it must have been some celebrity. "Come to think of it, she does kinda look like Katie Holmes," I said. So we asked one of the people standing around if she knew who this woman was, and sure enough it was her and her daughter Suri. We were all just like, "oh, that's cool.." And then we proceeded to debate the ethics of being part of the paparazzi. At one point, James was like, wow, are we really talking about this? Which begs the question, why are we such losers? My first celebrity sighting since my arrival to the city, yet somehow it wasn't all that special; perhaps it'll hit me that we saw an A-list celebrity once I recover from my typical Friday morning delirium.

The same three of us also made banana bread the other week, except in a rice cooker. It actually came out really good the first time, but then we began to ad-lib the recipe. We added cappuccino ice cream to the mix, and it just tasted like...ice cream bread. Then we eliminated bananas entirely from the recipe and substitute ice cream. The result? Mush. Tasty mush, but mush nonetheless. I wonder what else you can bake in a rice cooker?

Last week, the five of us, including Alice this time and Josh, who came from Newark, (I feel like we should have a cool name for ourselves, even though that would be pretty lame, but just so i don't have to keep saying Alice, Chris, Chihiro, James; any ideas?) went to probably one of the most touristy restaurants in the city, Serendipity 3. Even though the main fare is a bit overpriced, the dessert is simply to DIE for, it's like an out of body experience. The frozen hot chocolate satisfies the hype, and the cheesecake and quadruple layer triple double chocolate cake are rich beyond belief.

So at least one movie is almost always part of the night on Thursdays, and we've seen good movies, and some flat-out horrid ones.

• The Heartbreak Kid. Absolutely terrible. If you'd like to torture someone, a good way might be to force them to watch this movie. When I picked it out, I thought, "oh, a Ben Stiller movie, it's got to be at least decent." Nope. I think we're going to lay off the Ben Stiller films for a little while.
• Made of Honor. No, I'm not kidding. I can hardly believe that I watched it either. Not that it was that bad; it starts out promising, but in the end, it's just another chick flick.
• Zach and Miri. Pretty raunchy, to say the least, but just hilarious. Sort of like Pineapple Express in that there are so many funny parts that it's hard to remember one, if that makes any sense.
• Gone Baby Gone. So many layers of meaning to this powerful movie, most of which were lost on us; watching this while dazed at 2am is a no-no. Just go with Wedding Crashers or something for a late night. (Which we did.)

Last weekend I went to Chicago to visit family, then drove over to Indiana to see the Notre Dame v. Pittsburgh game. It was a see-saw battle going to quadruple overtime, but in the end, Pitt emerged the victor in the 4th OT period. I'd talk more about this, but honestly, I'd rather not; it was a tough loss to swallow.

A totally unrelated side note to conclude: I was thinking about getting contacts, and a certain friend suggested that I get a pair of bright blue ones. I don't know...there must be a reason Asian people don't have blue eyes. It would be interesting to try, I think? They'd just be a disposable pair though, but what say you?

Another City Weekend: cliches, ramyun at 3am, and the awkward poker-winning smile.

I hate cliches.

The ironic thing is that I say so many cliche things all the time. Like initially, I was going to start off this entry with something like, "Well, midterm week has come and passed." But then I thought it so terribly cliche that I decided not to use it. Instead I have an opening in which I talk about how terribly cliche I think the opening I was thinking of using was. But I guess there is a place for the cliche, as long as it's used at the right time.

My overuse of the cliche is one of the few things that a certain friend hasn't pointed out and made me completely conscious of. For one, my friend told me that I smile funny; that I purse my lips and my smile is more of a smirk. Now, every time I smile, I self-consciously contort my face in mid-smile, often drawing strange looks from whoever might witness my futile efforts to resist pursing my lips. Speaking has become quite the task too, as every single habitual phrase I use has been exploited. "I don't know", "Say what?", and the indecisive "It's up to you." are now on the list of things I'm not supposed to say, so I now stutter throughout conversation, in an attempt to eliminate the aforementioned from my vocabulary. I have such great friends. =)

Well, I can't go one blog entry without mentioning food in some shape or form, since New York City=food. Last week I went to Carnegie Deli at 7th Ave and 55th St, about a ten minute walk from my apartment. I ordered the brisket sandwich, and it had to be one of the BIGGEST sandwiches I've ever seen. It is a bit pricey though; they require you to spend at least $12 a person. But I wouldn't hesitate to go once more. The picture's kinda sketchy because I had to use my the camera on my cell to take it, seeing as I have neglected a large part of my Asian heritage in not owning a digital camera.

So my Friday was spent down at NYU at some casino-type event hosted by an Asian culture club at the school; I accompanied Alice and James to the thing, held at the Kimmel Center. The only lame thing was the chips didn't earn you money, they got you raffle tickets, otherwise I would have made off with 25 dollars in profits for the night! While none of us won any of the prizes, (a nano, digital camera, and Max Brenner gift set) I managed to almost quadruple up on money and make up for Alice's and James' losses. One hand that was dealt out, I totally schooled this guy in a totally movie-esque type of ownage. If you're familiar with poker lingo then you'll probably understand this, if not, then I guess I'll make a watered down version so you know what I'm talking about.

Poker Lingo:
So I was sitting on an 8 and an ace in the hole, suited. One of the other players raised the blinds to 25, which both the big and small blinds called, along with myself. The flop came K-7-K. Everyone checked all around, but I sensed a slow-play coming from the other side of the table. Fourth street came a 3. Checks once again. And finally, the river showed a 10. The action came to this short, Asian guy in a black NYU hoodie sitting across from me. He throws in 25, and I know he's got the trips. He might be trying to steal the pot, but I'm thinking he's had the set from the get-go. The smart move would have been to fold, but I figure if I raise him another 25, he's gonna get scared and think I've got the flush, even though it's a dead man's bluff: I've got NOTHING. And it turns out I'm right. He folds, I show him my cards, and he flips out. I smile my smirkish smile and rake in the 200+ in chips.

Sans Poker Lingo:
I owned him. Period.

So after that we went back to James' dorm, and watched a couple movies. Gone Baby Gone, then Wedding Crashers. Had some ramyun somewhere in the middle. Then around 5 or 6am for some reason we all tried to pile into James' twin-sized bed, which didn't quite work. I just remember drifting in and out of sleep til a little after 10, then I left. A pretty solid night overall.

Food, late nights, and travel troubles. And more food.

Well, it's been over a week, so I guess that I'm overdue for another post. Not too much happened this week in the way of school, just the usual; a couple essays due, page after page of reading, and the numerous reading quizzes which I have come to detest. We did go on a field trip for my Intro to the City class on Tuesday though, (I know! A field trip in college?!?) down to the Tenement Museum on the Lower East Side, which was actually pretty cool. It didn't start off so great, because the tour guide was really dry, and I can't remember anything she said, since she had the most severe lisp ever. Every time she said something, all I could focus on was the lisp. We then were led into a room that was a preserved apartment in an early 1900s tenement, and accompanied by an actress who did an impressive job playing that part of an Sefardic Jew immigrant from Spain. We basically talked with her for about twenty minutes, as if we were Irish immigrants, looking for a place to stay.

After the museum I stopped at a nearby Chinatown bakery to get some cheap food; things that I have grown up on, like hot dog buns, roast pork buns, and egg custard tarts. I think I got about 5 items for 4 dollars? Gotta love Chinatown. The next day I had the experience of trying a bulgogi hot dog. Literally it's a hot dog with bulgogi layered atop. It was actually decent, though not nearly worth the 5.50 James and I each paid for ours. Then we went to Yogurtland, on Bleecker Street, easily some of the best ice cream in Manhattan, and a much better 5 dollars spent.

Thursday of this week turned out to be a lot more low key than the week previous, as my afternoon was spent running errands, and sitting in my apartment waiting for SOMEONE to wake up, yes, wake up, til 10pm. I got bored and at around 10 minutes to 10, began to walk from Midtown down Broadway towards the James' dorm @ U-Hall. So we ended up watching a Japanese romance movie with English subtitles, which I think was called Heavenly Forest? The movie was really good, extremely sad, definitely a tearjerker. Afterwards we decided to hang out in Union Square Park til about 3am. I seem to have developed a habit of keeping my friends in the city up til ridiculous hours of the night...

Anyway, the next morning I overslept, waking up just before noon. I was planning to take the 12:05 bus from Port Authority back home to give some tennis lessons as I usually do, but obviously I wasn't going to make that. Seeing as I had a 2pm lesson, I was a bit pressed for time, and had to improvise. There was a 12:50 bus leaving from the GWB Bus Station all the way up on 178th Street which meant, walking 5 blocks to Penn Station, taking the A all the way up to 175th from Penn Station, and walking the other 3 blocks in the underground tunnel, all in about 45 minutes. So I was making good time, and it looked like I might just make the bus. Then for some reason, I got off at 168th St, thinking that was where the bus station was. Turns out that was a costly error, as the next subway didn't come for 10 minutes. I missed the bus by 5. So I was more than a little ticked off after missing two buses, and losing my first lesson. (aka 3o bucks) I had to wait another half hour for the next bus, and I remember thinking, "I wonder when Chihiro and James are going home? What would be the chances of them deciding to take this same bus?" And like clockwork, who should come up the escalator but Chihiro. Then a minute later, James. It was just so bizarre.

So when we got back to Closter, James decided to come to my house to mooch off the abundance of food in my fridge. And once we walked into the house, James saw that my sister had just gotten Rock Band for her birthday. So we played for about an hour, James the guitar and me the drums, until I had to go give a lesson.

Saturday was my sister's birthday, and my transportation woes continued. I was driving through downtown Closter when in mid-turn, my car suddenly broke down on me. Luckily I broke down right in front of the police station, so the cops were right there to help me out. Looks like my 19 year old Honda Accord has reached the end of the line though. For my sister's birthday, we went to Harvest, in Closter, which is always great food, but expensive.

And now comes midterms week. I actually attempted to be somewhat studious today, and read a bunch of powerpoints for my 5 essay midterm for my Intro to the City class. Ironically, this midterm for my easiest class, will likely end up being my hardest midterm. My only other official midterm is for Econ, although I have my midterms on back to back days. =(

To end on a lighter note, I got the most amazing blender off of Amazon. The glass for the blender is actually portable, so you don't even need to pour out your drink into another container. Unfortunately, the only things I have here to blend right now are Cheez Doodles, marshmallows, coffee, cereal, cookies, jello, greek yogurt, pork dumplings, and a steak burrito. Yum.

So there's four asians sitting on a roof...

So I finally decided to give in to conformity and start one of these things. I had the perfect night to write about too, but it seems a certain Barnard girl has already stolen my thunder. But no worries, there's still room for me to put in my two cents.

Thursday nites are always nights I go out with friends on, because the four of us all are fortunate enough to not have any classes scheduled Friday. After going out at around 5:30 for dinner with some other friends at a place called Burgers & Cupcakes on 9th Ave between 35th and 36th, I met up with Alice, Chihiro, and James at my apartment. First we headed to the top of the Empire State Building, which was fun, cold, touristy, but hardly the highlight of the night. After some major indecision from among the group, we then walked to K.Town for dinner, which was pretty much everything kimchi.

A little while after, we hopped on the subway down to City Hall and walked across the Brooklyn Bridge a little after midnight. It's a walk better taken at nighttime. At 1:30 in the morning, the group thought that it was far too early to be going home, and decided we should watch the sunrise. So we headed back to my apartment, stopping along the way to pick up a bunch of chocolate bars from a couple of 24 hr stores.

And soon we found ourselves on the roof of my building, all bundled up in hoodies and whatnot, wrapped in the blanket from my bed and sipping coffee (24 cups between the 4 of us) to battle the cold. At some point we found that when you're up at an ungodly hour, you become dazed to the point where things seem a lot funnier than they really are. Like when we got into the elevator to go to breakfast, and it took us about 5 minutes for someone to realize that we needed to push the "L" button to get to the lobby. And the elevator was filled with our outbursts of laughter, at the fact that we were all sooo out of it. And it also means that the next day you can only remember snippets of what even happened on that rooftop. So really all I remember is us randomly breaking into song, deciding to play a game of tag for reasons I've since forgotten, and then huddling together around a twin-sized blanket to watch the sun rise---sort of, you can't actually see the sunrise in Midtown as we now know.

It's all sort of a blur to me right now, the whole four hours we spent on that roof, which felt far longer. This first entry to kickoff my blog took two days to write, but then again my mind is running a little bit slow to say the least. All I know is that I so want to do that again, and soon!